It can be hard to get through your child custody dispute. Yet, even after the matter is resolved through court order, you and your child’s other parent might struggle to get along and effectively co-parent. This can create a lot of tension in your life, but it can also pose a threat to your child’s well-being and their best interests. That’s why it’s critically important that you do what you can to foster a productive co-parenting relationship.
Tips to build a strong co-parenting relationship
There’s no cookie cutter approach to building a co-parenting relationship. The specific approach you take will depend on the facts and your family dynamics. That said, here are some steps that might help you ease tensions and build the effective co-parenting relationship that your child deserves:
- Set clear boundaries: You and the other parent need to respect each other’s personal lives and focus on what’s best for your child. It therefore might be beneficial to set parameters with the other parent early on so that you have shared expectations. This will better ensure that you and the other parent don’t get into fights over things that truly have nothing to do with your child.
- Put everything in writing: A lot of parents make the mistake of playing custody and visitation issues by ear. This invites disagreement and conflict. To get on the same page, you and the other parent need to determine your parenting schedules early on and put it in writing. That way if there’s a disagreement, you have time to resolve it before the issue impacts your child.
- Be willing to be flexible: You probably aren’t going to get everything you want out of your co-parenting arrangement. That’s okay. If you can be flexible with the other parent on pick up and drop off times, activities and even days of visitation, you might generate good will that allows you flexibility when you need it. By being reasonable here without jeopardizing your child’s best interests, you can build a stronger co-parenting relationship.
- Keep your child out of it: Using your child as a messenger or talking poorly about the other parent while in your child’s presence can affect them psychologically and emotionally. It can negatively impact their relationship with both parents, too, so regardless of your intentions, putting the child in the middle of your custody dispute can backfire.
- Find consistency: Although your child will spend time in two separate households, it’s important that you and the other parent find some sort of consistency in house rules and discipline. If you don’t, then one parent may be viewed by your child as the “bad” parent, which can negatively affect their relationship with that parent.
- Discuss changes ahead of time: Springing a sudden change on the other parent without any notice can generate conflict. So, when something needs to change, try to give as much advanced notice as possible so that you and the other parent have time to discuss the change and come to a consensus before the change takes effect.
What if your co-parenting relationship continues to fail?
If, despite your best efforts, your co-parenting relationship continues to fail, then it may be time to take the matter to court. A contempt hearing could be necessary if you need the court to coerce the other parent into complying with court orders, or you might be in a position to modify the existing custody arrangement to limit the other parent’s time with your child. Either way, you need to step into court prepared.